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On a clear and cool spring day, JJ went to the local Muslim hang-out, a halal restaurant a few doors up from the masjid. The breeze was so nice that he ate his fried chicken dinner outside on the patio, enjoying the sunshine filtering through the trees around them. It was in the afternoon, and many Muslims were coming to eat there, so he was bound to see someone he knew and socialize. The trouble was that he wasn't looking for Yasin to be the only one to come to him. It really wasn't that Yasin was homeless that bothered him. What bothered him was that Yasin was imposing and pushy, and he interrupted people to talk over them all of the time. Many people in positions of disadvantage did that, and JJ was aware of this already. Poorer people did that a lot, homeless or sheltered. But then, JJ didn't particularly care why, he cared that he not have to deal with this after a day at work that seemed like Shaytan had been given temporary control of his life. Everything that day had gone wrong so far. He had arrived at work late due to one driver in front of him that had daydreamed. Two co-workers had dumped their responsibilities on him, then another had delayed him due to her own poor planning. That made him late leaving, which caused him to be unnecessarily stuck in traffic, and then every single light had turned red just in time to make him stop. He had felt like he was being supernaturally persecuted, and then when he was eating at his favorite place to take a rest while awaiting a salah in jamaa, he got immediately approached only by Yasin. One second he was eating, and the very next second, Yasin was inviting himself to sit at the table with him.
"Salam aleikum," said Yasin. "You interested in taking in some kittens?"
"What?" answered, JJ, surprised.
"I found some abandoned kittens, so they're staying with me, and they need a warm place to stay. It's still too cold at night, so they won't survive much longer," Yasin said with authority, looking JJ in the eye intensely.
"Does anyone who lives in a ---" began JJ before Yasin interrupted as if JJ hadn't even begun saying anything.
"I mean, just one more cold night or a freeze, and these kittens are gone! They're too small to resist hypothermia at night!"
JJ was getting irritated fast. It wouldn't take much because he dealt with other people's problems regularly. Now, as he was trying to relax and eat, and maybe socialize with other Muslims whom he rarely got to see, he instead was imposed upon by a hang-around who always brought more problems to people's attention. Yasin had recently been married and was supposed to have a place to stay, but she turned out to be a lesbian and kicked him out. Everyone wondered why he had ever married her to begin with since those who had seen her suspected her preference. Some people themselves were problems and stress, and Yasin was one of them. The odd thing was that he was often looking for things for other people, but he was still imposing when he did this. The last time JJ had seen this was a week before when he got out of this car and Yasin immediately asked him for shoes for a sister who was for some reason standing on the side of the counter inside, looking sullen. But she was wearing shoes when he looked down.
Yasin was still talking, and so JJ kept eating and tuned him out, looking at the leaves shaking in the breeze, and enjoying the temperatures. He watched a cat climb up a tree and some squirrels frolicking in the grass nearby. Just when he began to feel better, Yasin's voice cut in and raised his blood pressure again. "Are you daydreaming while I'm trying to talk to you?" he asked JJ accusingly. "I mean, you make me feel like I'm a bird in a tree singing for your entertainment or something!" And as Yasin went on reprimanding JJ, JJ looked back at him and took some more of his drink in. After only 5 more seconds, he then looked at his watch, then suddenly cut in himself.
Leaning over in Yasin's face, looking him in his bloodshot eyes, he told him icily, "Before I lose my temper, shut up and hear me out for a second! Otherwise, you'll wind up hating a Muslim for a long time!" Yasin was too shocked to say anything to him, so JJ continued. "I didn't come here to take in kittens when my lease doesn't allow me to just take in pets and I have a small child! Last week, I didn't come here to be bothered about the problems of a woman I didn't know. I never come here for that. No one comes here to hear about more problems! My brother's wife doesn't come here to be asked to pay one of your bills only to not be paid back a year later! And that going on jamah for a month ain't no excuse! So when you see me, I don't want to hear about any problems to solve! Ever! We've heard enough, and when I've tried to politely lead the conversations away from problems, you interrupt and bring it right back. It's like you're confronting people for wanting to relax or something!"
"You don't live on the streets, and you don't know what it's like!" boomed Yasin. "I'm out there every day and night, whatever the weather! Yes, I have to bother people to get by, because Allah's not going to give me a house out of the sky just because no one else does, and He's not going to make a winter night warm just because I have to sleep outside in it, or make a summer night cool just so I don't sweat! It's hard out there, in case you haven't noticed! Sorry to bust your bubble, but this is a minor inconvenince to you compared to what we go through when we need medicine we can't afford, need food we can't afford, need shelter we don't have, need clothes and blankets that others have, and won't give! Now tell me why I should care about your feelings for a few minutes compared to my homelessness for more than a decade now!"
"Well, Yasin, I factored that in, believe me I did. And I've tried to help at random times, and will continue to do so. But that's just it, I'm not the only one who does that. You know there are others who help you before you say anything, and I've seen people sneak you some money when they don't know anyone's looking or buy food for you from here and tell Bashir to tell you it's from Allah! You get help! And when I help, it's not because I have a lot, it's because I have enough to help you!
"And no, I don't know what it's like, and hope I never have to know, but that doesn't mean that Muslims come here to be bombarded with your problems! Or pets! Now, can I eat my meal and wait on my friends to get in?"
Yasin, red-faced, stood up and backed away, a bit, his limp obvious. "You just wanna talk deen, you don't actually want to practice it! You and the rest of the American crowd! Talk, talk, talk, and as soon as someone actually asks for help, you all get irritated. You live in this fantasy world and can't stand to hear that real life is the opposite!"
"No, Yasin, we don't live in a fantasy world. We live instead in a workaday world, where we're all one check away from being where you are. One layoff, and we're out of a job and will never find one again. One extra high bill one month for anything and we're behind and will never catch up again. One freeze, and the gas prices to stay warm will put us in debt we can never escape. If you're mad because no one will help you, then it's not true, you get help and I see it. If you're mad because we have shelter, then you're hatin' on people for being all right. Is that why you impose so much?"
"Is that what you call it? I call it going to my Muslim brothers and sisters for help that I CAN'T GET FROM MY OWN CHILDREN!" Yasin boomed.
"The ones you had with that Christian woman decades ago?" JJ asked calmly, bursting the bubble of Yasin's drama in front of the other diners who were noticing the argument.
"Oh, now you're gonna care about me marrying a Christian? With your weak islam!" Yasin accused.
"But my weak Islam is kept from burdening others. That's what this is about."
"No, it's about you being greedy and selfish and still wanting to go to paradise."
"What else would a burdensome guy say?"
"What else would a selfish guy say?" retorted Yasin.
"Doesn't matter, you'd interrupt and wouldn't hear it, anyway, would you? Isn't that how you talk to others? You talk, they listen?"
"Please guys, listen," interrupted a nearby diner. "We just want to eat in peace," he said in a thin accent, pointing to his wife and daughter.
"But if you eat in peace, he'll call your Islam weak! I mean, don't get me wrong, I agree with you! Matter of fact, I'm sorry I raised my voice, but he'll feel bad if he doesn't intrude and impose on you!"
"Oh, I'm an imposition, huh? A burden? Is that how you view me?" asked Yasin accusingly.
"To the Muslims, yeah. I don't know if you are to the kuffar or not, but I see you around here too often for you to have time to beg from them!"
"If I begged from the Christians, then you'd say that I was ruining your dawah, so what would please you, Your Majesty?" Yasin retorted. "Maybe if I just had a million dollars, huh?"
"Of course it would! You'd be relieved of your problems, and so would we! But I'm not judging you for what you don't have!" JJ said, his tone milder now. "But I'm not anyone's majesty, I'm just a man with limited resources of my own and a need to relax every now and then without confronting problems! None of us can confront problems all the doggone time, not even you! So stop telling us about them!"
"No," said Yasin, flatly. "I can't. My problems are longer than the list of things Allah will do to solve them, and my own efforts obviously can't get me a roof and money to cover bills, so now what? Don't ask for help? No, you trade places with me and then see how long you last without begging from someone! You wouldn't last one conversation without it!"
"You're right, absolutely right," agreed JJ, to the astonishment of the listeners. The man with the family was now sitting back down with them because they had lowered their volume. "With the Christians, I wouldn't last, I'm not afraid to irritate them. With the Jews, I'd bother them on sight. Be outside their synagogue every Saturday. Hell, I'd even knock some over the head and empty their pockets if I had to! But with the Muslims, I would avoid it as much as possible. Probably wouldn't even come around if I had to beg. You see the difference?"
"So you're saying beg from them and leave us alone? That it?" asked Yasin.
"No," JJ answered, winking as he did. The he mouthed the words to Yasin, yes I'm saying that!
"And We have made some of you a trial for others; will you bear patiently?"
JJ searched inside himself for more patience to deal with this burden of Yasin always begging, always making it hard to even show up and be around other Muslims, even whose company he enjoyed. Despite those whom he enjoyed, the fact was that Yasin was a damper on his mood whenever he saw him because he knew that Yasin would only beg, even if for someone else. And here he was, reciting Surat-ul-Furqan, verse 20 to him. He was as much as confessing that he was one of those sent as a test for others. Would JJ be patient? He was trying, sometimes even straining. Even at that time as he thought silently, he was straining to find more patience within him.
There was none. Just like there were times when his money ran out after paying all of the month's bills and there was just no more in his account at all until the next pay day, so was there absolutely no patience left in his heart. He had suffered too bad a day at work, too bad a commute in traffic, and too bad the prior days in a row. He needed some ease and some convenience at that time to unwind, not another test of patience he could not possibly have until he had a long break from such tests. So after a few seconds of all of this thought and self-reflection, he told Yasin, "The answer to that question is absolutely not. I'd be patient, but the reason we call it patience is because it runs out like anything else. Between the other hardships Allah decreed for me today, I have no patience for you today. Nor tomorrow, nor the day after, nor next week. Pay my brother's wife back before you point out any problem to me or him or her. Got it?"
"So you're having a bad day?"
"Worse one out of a bad week," answered JJ flatly.
"You need more sabr. I can tell you a dua to ask for it."
"Yasin, the best thing for you is for the Muslims all around here to start hiding any patience they might have from you in the first place! Some people run when they see you, man, and I hate to see others do that to you, but they do! They see you coming and split! They know what's coming! If they had less patience with you, then maybe you'd bother the kuffar more and us less!"
"If I didn't ask for help, it would be because I had what I needed, JJ."
"And you can get it from the kuffar more easily than you can from us, because they have all of your stuff in their coffers right now. Your clothes, your medicine, your shelter, you name it."
"Do you want to hear that dua or not?"
"No," said JJ as he turned to walk away. "Salam aleikum and happy hunting."
"JJ, wait, man!" said Yasin. "My wife is pregnant, man! I really need help!"
"The one who kicked you out? I thought you said you all were splitting up a few months back!"
"No, not the lesbian! We did split up! I got married again, this time to a Muslimah."
This was news to JJ, and he was re-engaged from his original intent to leave. "Congrats, then! Now, what does this have to do with us?"
"A pregnant Muslimah is livin' on these streets! Didn't you hear me?!"
"I heard you."
"You're just gonna leave her in that situation?" prosecuted Yasin.
"No, actually I'm not," answered JJ. Yasin looked relieved, and then JJ followed up with, "You are if you don't get the three of you off of those streets, though. It's not me, Yasin, it's you. You. All you. No one told you to get married AND make babies before you even have an address? You expect too much!" JJ turned again to leave and walked off some more. This time, he didn't stop when Yasin called him back.
Two months later, it was early June, and JJ was at the restaurant again, this time in the morning. Upon entry, he saw the owner and the manager, who was placing the breaded chickens in the fryer for the lunch buffet. "Did you slaughter those chickens with a bismillah and a takbir?" he asked sternly. Turning around to see who it was, the manager laughed when he recognized him.
"Salam aleikum, JJ," he greeted him.
"Wa leikum salam," JJ laughed back. "How you been, Basha?"
"Hamdulillah, man! Just getting this chicken ready for the buffet. Business picked up a little last week, so we can go back to chicken days."
After some small talk, JJ let on why he was there. "This should be my last meal in the US, actually," he said. "I came to tell you all salam aleikum before I caught my plane out this afternoon."
"You leavin' already?"
"Yeah, flight's out today. I start work in three weeks, so I better get out while I can."
"Where you goin'? Kuwait?"
"No, they're just as bad. Going to Trinidad, actually. A Muslim just started a cell phone company and needs some help with the initial service aspects of it, so I applied and he hired me."
"Right up your alley, man. Hamdulillah! But how did you get out so quick, though?" asked the owner, Yosi.
"Well, I was motivated. No family yet, so I had more time to search and got lucky when a friend told me about this. Just worked out, hamdulillah! Trinidad's not bad, either. Got plenty of Muslims and the deen is on the upswing there."
"I can understand that, then. You heard about Yasin?"
"No. Let me guess. He needs a place to stay, right?"
"No, but he needs someone to really adivse him, though. From what I heard, he was asking for some help like he does, and someone told him to quit bothering Muslims and start bothering the kuffar with his begging. He went to a church and renounced Islam, him and his wife! I haven't seen him around here since, so I don't know if it's true or not."
"Oh, yeah, I heard that, too," said Basha. "It is true if Mikail says it, though. He was in here yesterday with a new shahada from that same church Yasin walked into. I showed a pic of Yasin, and the new brother said it was definitely the same person. He left."
"That's right!" agreed Yosi, remembering. "What is the new brother's name again?" he asked Basha.
"I didn't catch it, actually. But he said that Yasin was talking about how Muslims don't want to be bothered with you once you're Muslim and they leave you hanging. He was blaming us for him being homeless, and Allahu Alim, we might be at fault, but the new brother said he was just going on and on about it. That was actually how the new brother started coming here to learn and see if it was true or not, and hamdulillah, he accepted Islam from it."
JJ was numb by the news. Was it his fault that Yasin had apostatized! Or was it Yasin's fault for being willing to burden the Muslims and not the disbelievers with his problems? Did he get any credit from Allah for the new shahada? How would that work?
"What else did Yasin say about his decision to leave Islam, if anything at all?" he asked them.
Yosi answered, "He didn't tell us he was thinking about doing that, but he did complain some time ago about how a Muslim got impatient with him when he asked for some help. He said the guy was weak in his iman and didn't want to help anyone else. I reminded him how brothers here come and pay me for him to eat when he wants to so he doesn't go hungry, and how he is allowed to sleep in the masjid at least 3 nights every week. He doesn't tell people that, but he has special permission from the board and the imam. A lot of Muslims help him out and they don't ask him for anything in return, they just give fi sabilillah. Actually, I asked him not to bother people here in the restaurant because so many people come in and pay for him to eat and he never knows who they are. So when he told me that day about whoever it was, I told him again not to ask people out here for anything, and that was the last time I saw him in here."
"It was me, actually," confessed JJ. "I told him to stop bothering people in the restaurant. I was telling him that no one here came to this place to hear about some problem to solve, they came to eat and relax. He had just walked up to my table and sat down and started asking me to take in some kittens and risk getting evicted from my apartment, so first I tried to tune him out, then I let him have it. I hope I wasn't too harsh, I was tryin' not to be, but I had to tell him about himself. I came to relax after a bad day, and he ruined it for me. I didn't know he would go that far, though."
"JJ, you told him what I told him, so don't feel bad about that. I was one of the first to give him dawah twenty years ago, so I know him well. He was just out of the marines back then and his life was a mess, so he came here to us. We gave him dawah, we helped him find an apartment so he could stop sleeping at the masjid every night, we did alot for him. But he wanted to get married and no one would say yes becasue he had no job, and he wanted to marry the beautiful sisters who can get better than him anyday! Whenever the Christians were around, he was all sacrifice to get them to accept Islam, but with the Muslims, he was all expectations and demands. He expected a utopia and we don't offer that. Allah didn't offer it to us in this life, how can we offer it to him? It's not your fault. He got sick and couldn't work, so people started taking care of him, and he still expected too much. Khalas! "
"Yeah, I kind of agree with Yosi, akhee," continued Basha. "But I would go to the church if I were you and just try to smooth things out with him, though. I'm not saying that his leaving Islam is your fault, but I would have handled it differently, though."
"I probably would have myself, but I wasn't capable of any better. The issue is a lot deeper than that, but I couldn't articulate it at the time."
"What is the issue, then, akh?" asked Basha, dusting the flour off of his hands.
"Well, he told me that he wasn't going to quit asking people for stuff till he
got what all he needed. The fact is, as Americans, you and I know how
some of us are in the Muslim community. You notice how he'll accept
Islam when Yosi gave him dawah years back?"
"Yeah, Yosi just told us the story."
"Exactly. Well, take someone like Andrew when he accepted Islam. His life wasn't a mess when he accepted Islam. It was a normal life, actually a pretty good one, and he still accepted it and took the shahada because it was true. Yasin is the kind of guy we all know from school. The guy who doesn't make reforms until everything is a mess and it can't get completely back together again, you know? Yasin is the kind of guy who wouldn't have even come around the masjid to even meet Yosi if his life had been in some kind of order! If that's the bulk of what the community is attracting into Islam, then there's something wrong with us. That's every bit of why I'm leaving to see if it's different in Trinidad or elsewhere. Islam is not just for the rich, and it's not just for the poor, either, it's for the convinced!"
In response to this, they both smiled and nodded,
Basha raising his eyebrows. Yosi then told a joke that did not detract
from the seriousness of JJ's statement, but rather humorously reflected
a true concern. "Can we go with you?"
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